Monday, 4 March 2013

First Day Blues and The Diary

I've kept a diary to track my eating and my feelings about my body/my eating for a long time. I stuck images of Tyra Banks and other beautiful women inside with encouraging quotes in the hope that I would be inspired from the get go. I started the diary I'm currently using last June, and it's taken me until now - now I'm at my biggest - to look at myself and wonder why that wasn't enough.

I started this blog a week after I started my new regime, and so this post is scheduled back to when I wrote in my diary, so you can see what I'm thinking, eating and feeling. So here it is.
Weight: 14st 9lbs. Mood: Fed up but somehow optimistic. I wish I could've felt like this and stuck to it sooner. February was a crappy month. Ate anything and everything to try and get over the fact that I'm single. Charlie* [my ex] and I never had a functional relationship, and it hurts me to say that a part of me always felt single, but now, I'm Bridget Jones stone-cold single. I feel like I should be going H.A.M on this now, you know, just in case I happen to see him around. I need to look good, although these days I do wonder what is beautiful to people anymore. I should make more of an effort. I am a young, single, free woman. But it's not just that. I left this so late so I have work experience in dead on two weeks and I'm pretty sure that this is the biggest I've ever been. I don't want to be the fat intern girl at a top fashion magazine. Then there's Jack Everett* [a musician friend of mine]. I have tickets to his gig in April and I'm pretty sure I need to look the part. That's nearly eight weeks away, so I really want to work on that. And then four weeks later is my birthday, my 20th birthday at that. I keep saying it, but I really don't want to be fat in my twenties. I want to have my dream body by the time I'm 21.
Today's food: jacket potato w cheese and beans, pitta w chicken tikka and salad, dairylea dunkers, slice of pizza
Had a late one at uni and felt a bit stressed but overall it was okay. 
*names have been changed


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